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90 Minutes Of One Liners – Gary Delaney

OMG, this is so good. Non-PC. Some fell flat, others were great. Reminds me of Jimmy Carr.

Stop after one hour, as they just repeat the jokes. Obviously taken from a series of shows.   

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English is a funny old language

For example:

I was wondering how to explain the difference between luggage and baggage. Both words are near mirror versions. They both use the French -age meaning verb. 

I did not know that this word, Baggage, meant prostitute. Now I know what they meant in “My Fair Lady” when contemplating throwing the baggage out the window. “I will not be called baggage when I paid full fair like a lady.”

We also use baggage as emotional baggage, political baggage, personal baggage.

Luggage is never used in this way.

So, if you’ve ever wondered what the difference was between these two similar words, now you know.

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Man Spent 5 Years In Prison For Not Paying Child Support For A Child That Ain’t His

Wait till the very end.

This is disgusting.

Surely this is fraud.

Can he get any cash for those five years in prison?

She laughed about that.

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WWE vs AEW

Interesting. I wasn’t a fan of Ruby on #wwe but on #aew I’m almost a fan. I haven’t watched WWE in almost two years apart from catching a little on cable TV when nothing else is on. Is this why WWE is dying? I’ve heard that the rating are turning to shit and Fox is concerned. 

AEW has a lot of YouTube clips at the moment. 

Good advertising.

AEW reminds me of WCW a little. Great talent but struggling against the behemoth that was WWF–>WWE. 

NXT is loosing out against Dynamite. 

Rampage (my favorite) is struggling against RAW. However, WWE is firing a lot of wrestlers. A LOT OF WRESTLERS. 

The TBS premiere of AEW Dynamite drew over a million viewers, this was the first time(???) for AEW to beat RAW.

Read a full breakdown here. 

There are also some YouTube vids you can watch. 


  

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The drunk Scotsman (lyrics)

Brilliant

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Xmas story (not for kids)

 

JUSTICE


Santa’s dead. Yep. Sorry kids, but the fucker had it coming. 

Judgmental prick. Why does he get to decide who has been good or bad? Fat cunt.

How can he define what’s good or bad? There is no clear line I can see.

Good boys. Bad boys. Good girls. Bad girls. It’s all same.

If I took on such a monumental task. I would need advisors, lawyers, and a slew of guidelines.

In my capacity, I would judge Santa as bad. This category would be listed under Slave Owner and Prisoner Guard. After all, he has many elves working for him and they are forced to live in his compound called The North Pole. There is little heat, no Internet, and no television.

Such horrid conditions. And I doubt they get paid for all the toys they make under his iron fist.

That skanky hoe, Mrs. Claus would be in on it too. She comes across all sweet and lovely. The image of a perfect grandma. I bet she runs the electric chair, demands obedience and cracks the whip when Santa is outside abusing his reindeer.

There is a reason Rudolf’s nose is red. And no, it’s not what you think. I have a satellite video of him hanging reindeer on barbwire and sliding on a pair of boxing gloves.

In the video, he is speaking, but his words are inaudible. Let’s just assume it’s nefarious.

Santa would list you as bad for thinking those thoughts about him and Rudolf. Your stocking will overflow with coal so Daddy can use it to heat the house.

Fuck you and fuck your Christmas. Hoho-ho. 

Mrs. Claus is gutted in the kitchen. The bitch was about to eat a gingerbread man who screamed for mercy. The elves are using her intestines as a jump rope. I think they’ve ever had so much fun.

Santa the fucker is dead at my feet. He didn’t hear me creep up in the snow.

Asshat was busy packing a getaway sleigh. The blade drew deep through his layers of flesh and the red sleigh shines now. Tomorrow the red will be brown.

The North Pole sweat factory is closed for good. The elf slaves are free. It will take time to integrate them back into society. It can be done. It will be done.

Justice is served.

You’re welcome.

End



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Why 99% Of Movies Today Are Garbage – Chris Gore

This.

 WATCH ‘WHY 99% OF MOVIES TODAY ARE GARBAGE (PART 2) – Chris Gore’

https://youtu.be/I8tHc2_a3rI

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Doctor Who Flux

So, for the past few weeks I was wring reviews on the new Doctor Who series called Flux. The first three I saw were brilliant. The Angles were back!

Village of Angles: My review >>> WTF. It started off well and went downhill from there. Chibnall fucked the Angels as well. 

Survivors of the Flux >>> ………. WTF did you do to the Fob Watch! It was a chameleon item introduced to turn the Doctor into a human, who didn’t remember he was The Doctor. Series 10 Mr. Smith. And series 10 Master’s return. Professor Yana (You are not alone). That’s fucked now too.  

The Vanquishers >>> Sigh. The Doctor finally has the chance to get all her memories back (just after a nearly lesbian moment between the Doctor and Yaz) and she drops the Fob Watch deep into the TARDIS to hide it from her, unless she asks for it. Of course. 

This video I stumbled upon answers this well: 

And there this video as well:



*image: 


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New Types of Non Sexual Friendship in Japan

This made me crack up.
Hugging on the train wahahahahahahahhahhhahahahaha

Enjoy

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Once, Upon Time

 

The cliffhanger from the previous episode was good but the answer came as a bit of a cop-out. Nothing new there. But it does set up the episode well, going through the time stream of Dan, Vinda and Yaz. Good back stories. 

The Doctor is trying to save her friends by forcing them through their past, making them relive unhappy moments that brought them all together. The decisions and the choices made that brought them into contact with the doctor in the first place. 


The episode starts off with a new character with a great twist at the end. This is Bel, with a ton of internal dialogue. We learn that she is talking to someone and has a small machine that offers smiley faces and flying hearts. 


Swarm is in this episode as well. And I still love his character. Who is the actor? Oh, Sam Spruell. Okay. 

We also learn that Swarm the skeletal alien was being held by a secretive Time Lord force known as the Division, which previously wiped the Doctor’s memory to hide her past as the Timeless Child. Chibnell fucked us who fans by changing The Doctor from a time lord to an unknown alien. Her/His DNA allowed the time lords to regenerate. That story totally screwed the original years from Hartnell to Jodie. 


The other Doctor that we met previously, 
Jo Martin. She is a past reincarnation of The Doctor, that the Doctor doesn’t remember. She asks The Doctor some pointed questions that help her in the task ahead.  

In her past timeline, The Doctor is trying also to find out who she is and get back her wiped memories that The Division took from her. But she is kicked out. 

In the TARDIS, the Weeping Angels return. They are trying to disrupt timelines and mostly succeeding. 

Until: 


The Angels have the TARDIS!!!!!!!

My Dr. Who T-Shirt predicted this: